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Happy Ego Day! (2/14)

February 14, 2012

You Must Be in Love Today!

This Valentine’s Day thing has gotten out of control.  Who agrees?  I admit that the degree of chaos you are currently experiencing on this day is absolutely proportional to the developmental stage of your current romantic relationship, or lack there of, but it’s still all gotten out of hand.  I don’t mind most of it.  In fact, I’ll be participating in some cream-filled chocolates this evening, thank you very much!

But man, it’s the obligation of the day that is a killer! If you didn’t already drop $50+ prior to today, I pray for you that your significant does not work in an office setting, because come five o’clock if there isn’t some kind of candy or floral arrangement setting a top her desk like all the other current participants of relationships in the building, you… are… dead!

If her desk looks like this right now, you're done!

It’s simply was not an option, my friend.  On Valentine’s Day, she just sits there all day, watching the flowers come in for her co-workers. The longer the day ticks away, the more uncomfortable the office setting becomes for her.  If you paid extra to get them there before noon, well you’re a very smart man because otherwise when you meet up for your “Valentine’s Lunch,” there will be this cloud of doubt hovering over you the whole while.  That’s because she’s already thinking you forgot.  Sure you could imply something coyly like,

“Ssooo, anything special get delivered to you today?”

But then you’re blowing the surprise!  You might as well have dropped them off yourself, or handed them to her there at lunch.  The flower stores know they’ve got you cornered, so on top of a February 14th delivery fee, they’re going to tack on a “$5 guarantee.” Are you getting this? A guarantee.  As if getting your $50 back is going to save your evening now! If there is a botched delivery, on top of the obvious scorn you’ll be receiving as you snivel and plead that you really did order her flowers, “Here, I’ll show you my credit card statement,” when she does get her flowers the next day, you are now not only a slacker, but  also a liar because you obviously ordered them first thing on the morning of the 15th.

If this is your lot, I’m so sorry man!  You should probably just go ahead and break up.  Tell her the reason you didn’t get her any flowers is that you don’t love her anymore.  At this point, with her ego so bitterly trounced, it’s really the only thing out of your mouth that she’s going to believe.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Jennifer permalink
    February 14, 2012 5:56 pm

    You also have to make sure the flowers come from the most expensive shop in town or some how you don’t love her as much, since you didn’t over pay for something that is going to be at the bottom of the trash in a few days.

  2. April 25, 2012 6:08 pm

    Google what kind of day March 14th is, and then maybe you will be more of a fan of February 14th? 😉

    • April 25, 2012 6:45 pm

      You wouldn’t be knocking on National Potato Chip Day, would you? Because I covered that on my other blog Iate2012 –

      • April 25, 2012 7:49 pm

        Errr no, that was not what I was referring to… try this instead!

      • April 25, 2012 8:49 pm

        Aw, come on!!! NOW I’m finding out about this? And that link suggests the inauguration of the holiday was WAY before my 1st “Ego Day” observation. It seems I’m due some serious reparations!

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